1.The King In Yellow ／ William Bloat
In a mean abode on the Shankill Road
Lived a man named William Bloat
And he had a wife, oh the bane of his life
For she always got his goat
And one day at dawn, with his nightshirt on
He slit her wrinkled throat
Now, he was glad he had done what he had
As she lay there stiff and still
'Til suddenly awe of the angry law
Filled his soul with an fearful chill
And to finish the fun so well begun
He decided himself to kill
Then he took the sheet from his wife's cold feet
And he twisted it into a rope
And he hanged himself from the pantry shelf
'Twas an easy end, let's hope
With his dying breath while facing death
He solemnly cursed the Pope
Now the strangest turn of the whole concern
Is only just beginning
Though he went to hell, his wife got well
Yeah she's still alive and sinning
For the razor blade was German-made
But the rope was Belfast linen
2.Fauxhemia
I just don't get Norah Jones
The other day I was on my way home
And on the radio in my car
I heard her interviewed on NPR
Even though I hate to admit it
I hear her music and I just don't get it
Maybe if I tried just a little bit harder
Then I could be just a little bit smarter
And like all the things I'm supposed to like
Your 300 lb psychic baby
Knows when you leave the room
Your 300 lb psychic baby
Knows where you hide the food
I just don't get Norah Jones
Maybe this is why I feel so alone
Like some kind of social Cast off
Or a maybe modern Visigoth
And if I never get Norah Jones
There's a good chance that I'll die alone
Maybe if I took the matter in hand
Then I could be a smarter man
And enjoy the films of Wes Anderson
Your 300 lb psychic baby
Knows when you leave the room
Your 300 lb psychic baby
Knows where you hide the food
Your 300 lb psychic baby
Knows when you leave the room
Your 300 lb psychic baby
Knows that you're gonna die soon
3.She's Affected
She's got a head full of plastic hair
Just like that woman on channel 2
You know that woman on the channel 2 news
You know that woman all the anchormen do.
She's not smart like Eleanor
She's kinda dumb like Monica
30 years in the American sun
Have clearly left their mark on her.
Where did get that English Accent
Where did she learn to hold her fork？
She's never been outside the USA
She's never even been to New York
She's got those haunted Alison eyes
She doesn't knows the words to honey jar
She's got those jagged Katie teeth
She dresses like she's Johnny Marr
4.Caitlin Childs
Little girl, little girl come shake this world
Shake it right to its core
Make it clear the revolution is here
Then shake it once more
Southern Belle, Tattooed Siddal
Stand firm on your feet
Buzzcut sunshine - Eyes so alive
Don't ever retreat
They're not looking for bombs
No one's watching the Klan
Our security rests
Upon Honey Baked Ham
If he streets should run red
And the girls go wild
The powers that be
Would all blame Caitlin Childs
Sweet terrorist child there's a world to beguile
And armies to raise
I'm proud to relate that Enemy of the State
Is the greatest praise
Dear troublemaker tiny world shaker
Never give in
Carry your sign in the picket line
And keep a thick skin
There are borders to watch
We've got shores to defend
But on Honey Baked Ham
Our Freedoms depend
If the churches should empty
And they burn City Hall
Caitlin Childs would
Catch Hell for it all
Anarchist Saint with a can of spray-paint
And a bad attitude
Rebellious girl, natural pearl
So righteous and rude
Squat house goddess in a thrift-store dress
Quoting Voltaire
And the end of the day if nothing changed
You're still our Heroine
They're not looking for bombs
No one's watching the Klan
Our security rests
Upon Honey Baked Ham
If the cities should tremble
And the buildings should fall
Caitlin Childs
Will be blamed for it all
5.Meaningless Upbeat Happy Song
Do you suffer from depression？ Well, if you don't; you probably
should,
Because the world is an ugly violent place and the only people
who can't
See it are idiots and the blind. And believe me brothers and
sisters, blind people can
Smell how bad it is out there. Here's Joe and I with some free
advice
Don't trust the happy; the happy are insane. If you see someone
smiling,
Run - get away. Do not trust the happy; the happy are insane. If
they try
To hug you, break out the pepper spray. You can't trust the
happy
If you didn't check the box next to I am often sad, there's
something
Seriously wrong with you. ,Cuz it's a big world and it's filled
to the
Rafters with Cretans and morons. Have you ever seen one of those
child
Beauty pageants？ Sure, it's an easy target, but that doesn't
mean it shouldn't be a target. Haven't these people ever read
Harlan Ellison's Our Little Miss？
Don't trust the happy; the happy are insane. If you see someone
smiling,
Run - get away. Do not trust the happy; the happy are insane.
The happy
Are insane. If they tell you Jesus loves you, run away.
6.Hangman
Hangman!
Is now lynch mob TV fun
The game you played as a kid
If you're a killer you'd better run
'cause the letters they're all hid
Guess the death sentence phrase
Before the last letter's drawn
You'll go free with the right plays
And see the next day's dawn
Contestant number one
Killed his daughter and his wife
Could not guess Waste not, want not
So he lost his life
Hangman!
There's a sentence on the wall
Gotta figure it out
I wish I'd studied English
'cause my time is running out
I wish I'd studied English
'cause soon they're gonna shout
Hangman!
7.Cold Hard Ground
The trouble all started when he grabbed the gun from the rack
A visit to the ol' workplace will show everyone he's back
He thanks his lucky stars; the ol' boss is still around
Tonight he'll be a lyin' in the cold hard ground
Cold hard ground
Cold hard ground
No one else is around
In the old hard ground
Cold hard ground
Cold hard ground
Tonight you'll be a lyin'
In the cold hard ground
He took a little drive out to his ex-wife's place
A bullet to the head - no one can hear her moan
He felt a little bad that the dog would be all alone
'Cause tonight she'll be a lyin' in the cold hard ground
A shortcut way out to his sister's house
She was watchin' his kids, just outside of town
Killed 'em one by one, oh they didn't make no sound
And tonight they'll all be lyin' in tha cold hard ground
The cops they are a'comin', hot on your trail
They say that every tombstone is written in Braille
You don't want to live, you know you're Satan hell-bound
You know tonight you'll be a lyin' in the cold hard ground
Compared to all the others, my troubles are very few
And as I pile up this dirt into a little mound
I know the lives of others are filled with sorrows a'plenty
At least I know tonight I won't be in the cold hard ground
8.Some Young Guy
I got my eye on some young guy
Computer salesman at Best Buy
You might think I'm crazy, you might think I'm high
I'm turning into some kind of spy
He's not a rocker he's not a mod
He does not work for the Geek Squad
He goes to work, then straight back home
He always seems to be alone
I'm old and frail, he's young and spry
I know he lives at 5th and High
I'm obsessed, I have a disease
I feel like a perverted Catholic priest
He must not know that I exist
For my fantasy to persist
I send him e-mail to his home address
Pretending to be a boy named Les
Shopping for a new laptop
I feel like an undercover cop
I like the Lenovo Think Pad feel
But I will not let him close the deal
Shot glass paper bag bottle of wine
Tube of glue skull of some young guy
Shot glass paper bag bottle of wine
Duct tape skull of some young guy
Shot glass paper bag bottle of wine
Tube of glue skull of some young guy
Shot glass paper bag bottle of wine
Duct tape skull of some young guy
Got my eye on Some Young Guy
Computer salesman at Best Buy
9.Or Maybe It Is
I've seen young people waste their time
Reading books about sensitive Vampires
It's kinda sad
But you say it's not the end of the world
Or maybe it is
I heard about the Horse race sniper
Shooting jockeys off their horses
He's got good aim
And you say it's probably not even a crime
Or maybe it is
10.Passport To Depravity
It's 35 CE
I've got a villa on the isle of Capri
Far from where prying eyes can see
I've got a passport to depravity
Rubbed a lobster in a fisherman's eyes
Because he took me by surprise
Now that fisherman is blind
While I gaze up at a bright blue skies
I've got a passport to depravity
A license for my lechery
My collection of pornography extends as far as the eye can see
I've got a passport to depravity
A permit for my perversity
They say the old goat is licking the does and I've trained the
tiddlers to nibble my toes
But if these thing help to sooth my woes
Then I won't be coming home
I won't return to Rome
I loved a woman named Vipsania
I never wanted to part from her
In my dreams we're on the steps
And she gives me a second chance
I saw a handsome Acolyte
I saw him at the sacrifice
And so I rushed him from the room
And I debauched a flute player too
I've got a passport to depravity
A license for my lechery
My obsession with obscenity, it will go down in history
I've got a passport to depravity
A permit for my perversity
They say the old goat's garden is filled with nymphs and pans
But they never understood my plans
I won't be coming home
I won't return to Rome
Mallonia , she said no
That's when I knew she had to go
Mallonia , refused my advances
Some people just have to take their chances
I've got a passport to depravity
A license for my lechery
My collection of pornography extends as far as the eye can see
I've got a passport to depravity
A license for my lechery
My penchant for perversity will go down in history
11.Buried In The Sky
I searched behind the cushions found a $1.35
Every day I wonder how we manage to survive
In the kitchen flies are buzzin' like bees in a hive
World keeps turnin' doesn't care if we live or we die
Ain't no magic Jesus; wipe the tears from your eyes.
Ain't no magic Jesus gonna hold you when you cry
I do some shots and you'll drink some wine
And when it's all over we'll be buried in the sky
Ain't no host of angels gonna sing you off sleep
Ain't no magic shepherd gonna keep you like a sheep
You'll forge some checks and I'll tell some lies
And when it's all over we'll be buried in the sky
Stood in line at the ATM just to find the well was dry
I guess I'll never get my crumb of the American pie
And late at night when the car alarms stop, I can hear you sigh
Late at night when the car alarms stop it feels like the world
has died
There ain't no guiding force behind the universe
And I think that if there was it would only make things worse
You'll fill out the forms and I'll stand in line
And when it's all over we'll be buried in the sky
Ain't no guardian angle gonna hover over you
Ain't no guardian angle gonna love you like I do
You'll get to wear a new dress and I'll get to wear a tie
'Cause when this life is l over we'll be buried in the sky
12.13th Century Boy
Illiterate peasants crowdin' in on me
I feel like an island in a filthy sea
Feels like I'm living in the 13th century
The world now, it hurdles
All booted
We wander, in circles
All Spurred
Killing the infidel
Our Mission
God will recognize
His children
Legless beggars line the streets
Digging in the garbage for something to eat
Feels like I'm living in the 13th century
The devil on the corner
The martyr in flames
Cows, Pigs wars and witches
It all seems the same
The Saints in the sewers
The stench of decay
The bodies in ditches
They all scream my name
Torture, secret prison, and missing persons
Every day the situation Worsens
Feels like I'm living in the 13th century
The world now, it hurdles
All booted
We wander, in circles
All Spurred
Killing the infidel
Our Mission
God will recognize
His children
Feels like I'm living in the 13th century
Feels like I'm living in the 13th century
Feels like I'm living in the 13th century
13.Commodify Your Dissent
Who will sponsor my green revolution？
Will you buy the rights to my class war？
Purchase the t-shirts and the audio version of the book
They took your anger and polished up
Then they sold it back to you
They took your anger and repackaged it
And there's nothing you can do
Put your name on my new army's designer uniforms
Rebellion and subversion will make your Rom-Com cool
You'll capture that indie feel that the kids are crazy for
They took your frustrations and dressed them up
Before a focus group
They painted your frustrations in earth tones colors
And there's nothing you can do
Country music used to be about music and not about the county
There once was a time when rap was dangerous
Now flag-waving idiots and millionaire illiterates dance across
the screen
Johnny Cash died for you
This sense of outrage can be yours if the price is right
Galleries and Poetry readings Jingles and cartoons
This is the river in which we've learned to swim
Sub-culture vultures circle above
The great unread white and blue
And there's nothing you can do
Country music used to be about music and not about the county
There once was a time when rap was dangerous
Now flag-waving idiots and millionaire illiterates dance across
the screen
Jam Master Jay died for you
C'mon Bourgeoisie and get behind me
Captains of industry I'm waiting for your calls
Operators are standing by so don't delay
Your parents are reading hipster lit
And they try to dress like you
They took your anger and repackaged it
And there's nothing you can do
Punks, Goths, and Rivetheads disappeared into the mall
Just like the yippies, and the beatniks, and freaks
This is the river in which we've learned to swim
And this is the river in which we will all drown
14.Can't Relax
Four letter words can have two meanings
Love, bleep and bleep to name a few
Sometimes it's something that you're feeling
Other times, it's something that you do
Sometimes life is like a puzzle
With all the pieces on the floor
And they don't seem to fit together
But then the pieces become a door
I can't relax, so don't tell me to relax
I can't sit still, so don't tell me to sit still
I can't relax if you tell me to relax
I can't relax
It all comes down to electrons
Conveying meaning with a spark
The yin and yang, the ones and zeros
The push the pull, the light and dark
In the World of Rod McKuen
Heat is sound and love is food
Take life slowly and with feeling
To gain a winning attitude
15.Melora Says
Melora says you shouldn't envy the dead
And she wouldn't wanna be a Kennedy
Drilling holes into their daughter's head
These are the things that Melora says
In a funhouse built in 1804,
Melora holds court on a wooden floor
Playing the cello; knowing the score
These are the things that's she's famous for
With a gingerbread coffin and a bailing hook
All things uncertain, all things undone
Extremists should live by the book
With a Ouija board, a Barbie and a Gatlin gun
Melora says it's not for me
Giving Rosemary a lobotomy
I'm not one to judge or hold a grudge
But certain things are just plain to see
With a gingerbread coffin and a bailing hook
All things uncertain, all things unsaid
Extremists should live by the book
With a Ouija board, a Barbie and Cromwell's head
16.Solvents (For Home And Industry)
She was crowned Miss Industrial Solvents
Of Bulter County PA
She didn't just wave from a float
No! She had something to say
At a ribbon cutting
Or in line at the Dairy Queen
She took her title seriously
She spread the word about solvents
How they transformed our lives
They could remove nail polish
She spoke of Turpentine
In the bleachers at a football game
Or at Kingsley's Buffet
She took her title seriously
Subtle changes to the nervous system
Are a small price to pay
When you consider the role in our lives
That solvents play.
Her scholarship to the community college
It was taken away
When it was discovered that
She'd plagiarized her essay
Her crown and title were given to another
Yes, she did know great shame
And the paper misspelled her name
She continued to speak about solvents
Though she'd been ordered to stop
Then one night outside Kingsley's Hardware
Someone called the cops
Restraining orders and words from a Judge
They ended her campaign
Now nothing would be the same
Carcinomas and birth defects
Are a small price to pay
When you consider the joy solvents bring
Each and every day.
She got pregnant and dropped out of school
Before her Senior Year
She never got to read the Great Gatsby
The irony's so clear
In the checkout at Kingsley's Groceries
She has to bit her tongue
Where did it all go wrong？
It's been nearly 25 years
Since her title was taken away
Her grow son runs a meth lab
He uses solvents everyday
He uses solvents everyday
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